Solstice and Finding Yourself at Great Height

Today is the longest day of the year. When I woke up at 5am I looked out my window and saw everything crisp – clean lines outlining everything in sight. A birth of vision. Minutes before I was huddled in my bed, dreading another day of worry, anxiety and fighting the choices I had in front of me. 

There comes a certain point when you realize nothing is a good or bad choice. You are just constantly making them and feeling the effects every single day. 

That is why I love solstice. For one day, there appears to be the magic of equilibrium. Magic is in your heart and you can see clearly the foundation of who you are. There are no choices there is just the brilliant magic of being present.

Today I make the choice not to let my emotions take over. It’s hard, because as much as I love my yoga practice sometimes I think it makes me overly sensitive and shaky. I look at a homeless person and I feel like I want to take care of him, and then I feel mad when I can’t give him a home. I see a dog and I want to smush his face into my hands as he licks my cheeks. I see a very beautiful man at the counter of the coffee shop and I feel such joy when I make him laugh. I read about the slums of Brazil and how people are selling their daughters to tourists and I want to fall apart. 

Not today. Today – equilibrium. The power of the neutral mind. We all can find what we are looking for with the help of the neutral mind. Today I will find a way to make my mind so big that all the emotions that usually cripple me will become trusted sources of information. Just like the sun I will rise to the highest point in the sky. Not even fear will be able to touch me at this high point. 

And yet? I will feel absolutely nothing. I hope to be so high in the sunshine that everyone I meet is touched by love. I hope to share my destiny with others in a way that I am always present and aligned with my dharma. Rich or poor, For Better or For Worse, Sickness or Health I choose my soul to be my soulmate. All things that orbit my soul will be a reflection of the God inside me, and not the other way around. 

I Believe in a Working God

God only works when you do. Recently, my God has been an awkward teenager working at Burger King, who knows he’d rather be outside in the sunshine but really wants that XBox. With an extra hundred in Christmas money plus a little bit of allowance from his family, he’s starting the process of saving for his future. But then he sees a beautiful cheerleader and wants to buy her tickets to a concert, or a pony or anything she wants. 

I’m here to tell you the XBox or the girlfriend are both good choices. But the working God tells you that no matter what you choose you still have to work for it – and if what you are working for is aligned with your destiny? He’ll make it harder and easier at the same time.

I’m going to list the jobs I’ve had since graduating college in 2007: stage manager, actress, temp office worker, door to door fundraiser, waitress, event staff, discount bookstore seller, hostess, usher and box office manager, yoga studio front desk employee, hostel concierge, point of sale supervisor, retail associate, barista, catering staff and film production cooordinator.

It took me until film production coordinator to find something that I really loved and even now I realize the climb in that direction is just beginning. I’m also looking for a house that will support me – a tiny home on wheels that will allow me to travel as I need to for work. In the X Box corner we have career : the thing I need to make money and the thing I want to enjoy doing. In girlfriend corner we have art: telling stories, enjoying the moment, having adventures and seeking my spiritual fulfillment daily.

In the very first pauree of Japji, there is the evocation of the working God, or Karta Purkh. This invites God to do the work for you, all you have to do is keep up. All you have to do is keep working towards one direction and let love have no opposition in your life. Let your mind be clear and your heart be full. Empty yourself of all needs to be right, have outcomes or seek. Let love in, and more love will come.

I wish you a beautiful evocation of the working God inside you. Sat Nam. 

Nurture the Freakish Gifts You Have

I have never been very good at finding myself consistently. Over and over again I adapt, survive and stay just below the surface of potential because it is safe. I’m trying to break out of this pattern of behavior and I’ve discovered a new tool of community: the freak inside of me. 

I am confused by gifts sometimes. God gives so many of them and yet pursuing all of them come with throwbacks. You follow your gift and talent artist you become a survivor, maybe even a bitter one. You follow the gift of a relationship and it can hurt you. You follow the gift of community and it may come at you with pitchforks. You follow the gift of choice and five more you have to make with all kinds of consequences. 

It’s a baffling blessing. So what is one to do? 


I’ve realized that you become your gifts whether you are aware of them or not. A human being responds to it’s environment but when you are really vibing with yourself right? The actions you take towards your gifts gives you more community than you ever imagined.

I became a vegan six months ago. It started as a way to cleanse after a breakup, but slowly became something I was passionate about. Animals, my body and health, the way it supported my yoga? I became freakishly passionate about it. I was living in a place where to say you were vegan was the equivalent of saying that you had an eating disorder. People did not know what to do with the freak who they could not cook nor shop for. 

Now I am searching on craigslist for a place to rent. I’m living in Oakland, and of every listing I see veganism comes up regularly. There are people who are passionate about yoga and sustainability and gardening in almost every “about me” section of the renter’s information. 

It was then I realized : I brought forth this community to me through the gift of action. I didn’t know it then, but everything I ate was determining my environment. Everything I made for myself is happening for me whether I know it or not. 

All small managable tasks will create your environment. What you do every day will determine your fate, not what happens to you like the lottery. I try to remember this as I continue to hold out for work that I am passionate about that pays. Surround myself in the area, the people, the work that helps me get more work. It will all become known to me. And to you too.

In the coming weeks, I hope you find your freakish gifts and then a tribe comes along that nurtures those as well. I hope you become everything you are- infinite possibilities. I hope you have the strength to keep up even when you don’t feel like it. I hope you live life happy, healthy and whole. 

Sat nam, you freaks.