I have never been very good at finding myself consistently. Over and over again I adapt, survive and stay just below the surface of potential because it is safe. I’m trying to break out of this pattern of behavior and I’ve discovered a new tool of community: the freak inside of me.
I am confused by gifts sometimes. God gives so many of them and yet pursuing all of them come with throwbacks. You follow your gift and talent artist you become a survivor, maybe even a bitter one. You follow the gift of a relationship and it can hurt you. You follow the gift of community and it may come at you with pitchforks. You follow the gift of choice and five more you have to make with all kinds of consequences.
It’s a baffling blessing. So what is one to do?
EXACTLY WHAT YOU LIKE DOING – WHETHER FREAKISH, STRANGE OR UNCONVENTIONAL IT IS YOUR ACTIONS THAT WILL WIN OVER TALENTS EVERY TIME.
I’ve realized that you become your gifts whether you are aware of them or not. A human being responds to it’s environment but when you are really vibing with yourself right? The actions you take towards your gifts gives you more community than you ever imagined.
I became a vegan six months ago. It started as a way to cleanse after a breakup, but slowly became something I was passionate about. Animals, my body and health, the way it supported my yoga? I became freakishly passionate about it. I was living in a place where to say you were vegan was the equivalent of saying that you had an eating disorder. People did not know what to do with the freak who they could not cook nor shop for.
Now I am searching on craigslist for a place to rent. I’m living in Oakland, and of every listing I see veganism comes up regularly. There are people who are passionate about yoga and sustainability and gardening in almost every “about me” section of the renter’s information.
It was then I realized : I brought forth this community to me through the gift of action. I didn’t know it then, but everything I ate was determining my environment. Everything I made for myself is happening for me whether I know it or not.
All small managable tasks will create your environment. What you do every day will determine your fate, not what happens to you like the lottery. I try to remember this as I continue to hold out for work that I am passionate about that pays. Surround myself in the area, the people, the work that helps me get more work. It will all become known to me. And to you too.
In the coming weeks, I hope you find your freakish gifts and then a tribe comes along that nurtures those as well. I hope you become everything you are- infinite possibilities. I hope you have the strength to keep up even when you don’t feel like it. I hope you live life happy, healthy and whole.
Sat nam, you freaks.