Emotionships – The Auric Imprint

Sex is like a movie. You may watch it with someone or alone, and your experience of it is totally different from the person next to you. You have different preferences, you want it to end one way or the other, but the discussion goes on in your mind. Did that really mean what I thought it meant? Was it even worth my time?

Imagine trying to remember who was that one actor from one time who you really liked but can’t remember his name? Sometimes our sexual partners stay with us in that way – at the back of our mind even when we don’t realize it. Wait, JON HAMM! Yeah, that’s that guy from that thing. 

After deeply knowing someone on an intimate level, whether that be a sexual parnter, friend, mentor, human connection, HOW do you know which parts of someone to keep and which to let go? Which stories do we know are truth when it comes to authentic relationships?

We all know these people : energetic pathways to our highest and most connected self. Whether that is sexual information, creative energetic information or love? It blurs sometimes. The people who know us on a basic level may not be sexual partners at all, but they leave an imprint on us that is difficult to decipher. Someone who sees our best self, has given to us when we did not expect generosity, or has seen us at our most vulnerable.

Here’s a way to pay them back for those kindnesses : remove all energy that NEEDS something. Remove all expectations, anticipations or attachments with them and be present with the love they have. If they have none left for you, then bless them and be on your way. If you are still able to give and receive selflessly with that person, then give stronger and take only what is given. 

I haven’t had the greatest history when it comes to remembering the lead or supporting actors/actresses in my sexual life. I got caught up in the Sex and the City hookup culture, enjoying reruns of a show that wasn’t relevant nor present to the actual needs of women. If according to Kundalini Yoga tradition, a sexual partner leaves pranic cavities in a woman’s aura? I may have more holes than swiss cheese filled with buckshot. 

For the most part, I’ve cleared up the majority of that sexual storytelling and been able to give love to someone unconditionally and with respect. But here comes the big challenge : how much of my thoughts go into the old relationship for the sake of a fantasy emotionship I may have? Emotionships, of course, are those tiny fantasy relationships in our minds that make us believe someone is what they are not for the sake of emotional safety. No surprise? These never work out. 

May your relationship with your higher consciousness be your top priority. May you never hunger for something that isn’t and be present with what is in your partner. May you give yourself an emotional energy colonic and forgive all the things that someone never was for you. May you be for yourself what you hope to get from a partner. May you love your soul. May you live for love. May that love be true to you. 

Sat Nam

Ending a Relationship: Thank You, Buddhist Chef.

Sometimes the all at once is exactly what we need to see what’s right in front of us.

Let’s take a look at what happened to me last week.

1. Finish working on a movie, have wrap party with cast and crew.

2. Find amazing opportunity at a non profit organization. Apply video skills, make friends.

3. Get a day job at a wonderful bakery. More support for creative endeavors, closer to boyfriend’s house. Yay!

4. Celebrate one year anniversary with boyfriend, eat good Italian food.

5. Count blessings, be grateful.

Now let’s look at this week:

1. Have crazy, sudden, massively upsetting exchange with boyfriend.

2. Cry relentlessly while avoiding all contact with boyfriend, as well as Mariah Carey songs.

3. Wander around my house like an invalid, cry large donkey tears. Think things over.

4. Have a breakup conversation at Starbucks. More tears.

5. Count blessings. Be grateful.

The truth of the matter is, catalyst events like these happen in everyone’s lives. But they are meaningful in the sense that they tell us what is working and what is breaking apart. Usually things shift in our lives and we feel rushed by them, like they all happen at once and flood our mental inbox with emotional spam. What happened? Things were going wonderful and then all of a sudden? BOOM!

The feelings that I had at the moment of our breakup were flooding. But the truth is for both of us they were the rush of reality that we had been avoiding. We are wonderful people with love to give, but we can’t live the life the other wants to have. The more I lived my life the worse he felt, and vice versa.

I heard a parable of a buddhist chef. He serves in a diner, and all people come to him for meals. One diner sends him compliments, says it is the best meal he has ever had. He responds “thank you”. The next diner sends him complaints, swears he hates the meal and he will never return. He responds “thank you”.

One thing I learned from my relationship with Brandon was that all things, when present with them, are teaching moments. Even our parting, although extremely painful to pursue. All satisfaction exists regardless of the fact of “we are together” or “we are not together”. We are, and will always be what we were: present and loving with each other and ourselves. And even though our problems are unfixable I am always grateful what he taught me about sustainability. Yes, I learned how to sustain a relationship from one that eventually broke up. Whoa.

So the next time everything is happening all at once? Surrender. Be the chef who serves every diner at the table. Be the one who embraces all things that come to you. Even at brunch, when the wait is long and the food is overcooked. Take whatever people give you and say thank you. Because that is where you learn how to resolve your differences within your soul. Embrace all the chaos and none shall make you suffer. Love your soul above all else and that love shall be returned. And fall for people like Brandon who hold a mirror up to you and force you to confront your dark side as well as embrace your light. They will be your teachers, and you will say thank you…eventually. 

ImageTo Brandon. Thank you, Buddhist Chef.