When Venus Gives Career Advice

I’m sweating in a small room for 8 days straight. I have been calling C.E.O’s of tech companies on a telemarketing job, and the hours are making my brain melt.

Enter Venus.

Venus is a woman to whom I was assigned to check in with. Her very presence makes me nervous. Tall. Poised. Sterling Eyes. Wedding ring that would make Kim Kardashian jealous. Rumor has it she has worked in film. I’ve seen her drive a very expensive-looking BMW out of the parking lot. She is top-of-the-mountain engaging and doesn’t have to say a word.

As an artist, I have been taught to be vulnerable and real. That is where I live most of the time in my nervous universe – accepting the fact that I feel like a fraud and seeking truth within that falseness.

But then I meet Venus and I want to be just like her : UNCONQUERABLE.  A wall of fire and ice that says “Don’t Fuck With Me”. It is this that leads me to be timid and not try to fuck with her.

She’s walking down the hall. I don’t realize she is talking on the phone with a client, because she has been walking in the office. After I interrupt her, I go into my cubicle and continue my job.

She comes back in, and I apologize for interrupting her phone call…again.

She looks around and says…”Can I give you some really good career advice?”

She shuts the door.

My heart is in my mouth.

“Sure.”

“Never say you are sorry to anyone. Especially women! You have NOTHING to apologize for, so why are you apologizing? Do you think a MAN would apologize for what he did? Absolutely not. I was walking around, my phone in my ear- if HE didn’t know then HE doesn’t care. Don’t care so much, and never apologize.”

I know it sounds harsh, but she says this without sounding angry, resentful or like she is saying anything else but the truth.

I say thanks, appreciate the advice, here’s what I wanted to tell you. We go over the phone list and strategies for the afternoon call list. She leaves the room.

It takes 5 seconds, but I burst into tears. How many apologies have I made over several years for no reason at all? How many times have I been afraid to interrupt, offend or hurt?

I can pinpoint the exact point in my childhood when this hit me over the head : without any blame or resentment, I can seriously recall the moment when I was taught never to invite yourself over to anyone’s house. Make sure you ALWAYS have permission. ALWAYS.

But what happens to Venus inside us, the goddess of love who knows what she likes, what she wants and how she should get it. Who is unapologetic about the fact that she EXISTS, and CLAIMS her sacred space without attachment to the opinions of others?

The rest of the phone calls, I counted every apology said on the phone. 3. That means on average? At least 4-6 times a day I make myself feel like I shouldn’t take up space. What has that done to my subconscious desire and has that robbed me of any opportunities to grow?

This week, let Venus be your Goddess of the sacred space. I hope you own the space of your life, fill it with love and don’t apologize for what it looks like to others. I hope you take up so much space that you can be seen from heaven with your impact. I hope you use that space to change the world. I hope you never have to apologize ever again.

Sat Nam

time-management-woman

When Looking for Signs Goes Wrong – The Bunny Story

I’m trying to be a grounded spiritualist, but I’m constantly surrounded by puzzling signs. Some of them are wonderful, some of them are terrible. Here is an example of when looking for signs goes wrong, for those of us who are still waiting for that sign of destiny from the universe.

Last month I applied for a job that I truly wanted. The ache in my heart for everything this job offered : benefits, freedom, money, a mission and good healthy food on discount? My interview was on a day when the new moon was in Aries, my sun sign. For those of you unfamiliar with astrology, some of the signs in the new moon may auspiciously be supporting our causes on this planet – especially when the sign is similar to our own. The sun was shining, the interview went extremely well, even the lady at the jewelry shop next door told me the job was mine, and offered me a sublease in the area. “For WHEN you get it dear, WHEN you get it!”the kind old lady smiled at me and said.

This HAS to be a sign, I said to myself.

I failed to notice it was April Fool’s day. Got a call in the evening that they had offered the position to someone internally, but would call me at the end of the month with another job opening. Sign? Maybe not.

Fast forward to end of the month. A day astrologically auspicious to those at a crossroads. Offering balance, the grand cardinal cross was a time that signified the end of self-pity, and the beginning of an awakening into fullness.

Then I saw the bunny.

Outside the office window where I was working? The most adorable baby bunny in the world was munching on a green leaf and staring at me. I stared back at him.

bunny

“Everything is going to be as fine as I am adorable. Tee hee!!”

He was the cutest thing I had ever seen. We communicated. He stared at me and I stared at him and I felt so happy inside. This is a sign of fertility, of things moving, of freedom, of play. I felt so ready to accept what was mine : my dream of supporting myself and moving on into the next phase of my life was being supported by ADORABLE MOTHER NATURE!!

This HAS to be a sign, I said to myself.

I got the call. There was a job available, but for much less hours and much less pay than the previous job. I told the hiring manager that I had to think about it.

I felt sad. I had been waiting on baited breath for this destiny sign to make itself known to me. For the right thing to happen to me at the right time. It sucked. For about two minutes, I let the tears flow in the parking lot. Then I felt relief.

“Now I don’t have to wait on them anymore”…I thought. “Now I can have some freedom in decisions that were hindered by hope and looking everywhere but now.”

It’s amazing how good it feels when you don’t have to rely on the outside anymore to bring you everything you ever wanted. When you can check yourself with who you are rather than what you need. When you can let go of the bunny and really focus on what’s right in front of you. Everything you need you already have. 

I’m not saying it doesn’t suck when you hope for something and then it doesn’t turn out. I’m not saying that the joy in finding isn’t something worth searching for. But I hope in the next week that you find that all the strength, love and prosperity you have ever wanted is not what the bunny has. It’s what you have.

I hope that every missed opportunity is a direction for you. I hope every failure is leading you towards success on a ladder you want to climb. I hope prosperity follows you as you follow your heart. I hope you let love win when you are looking, and you let love be when you know who you are. I hope you make your life a two way mirror of love : looking up and looking in front of you in the glorious dance of the present. 

Sat Nam.

“the universe is counting on our belief
that faith is more powerful than fear
and in that the shifting moment
we’ll all remember why we’re here”
-from “Awaken”at MysticMamma.com

Why My Career Needs a Big Wheel

It was hard to say no to $20.00 an hour, 40 hours a week serving as production manager for another feature. The job would have been three months out of Freemont, introduced me to many different hard working people in the Bay Area, and given me some real challenges in a field I have really loved working for. But I need some big wheels until my little ones can run on their own. 

Now what do I mean by this? Imagine your life as a series of gears, all moving together. Big wheels are what give you the most support and stability. Career, Health, Family, Spiritual Life, Community, Partner/Romance. Things move slower with the big wheels because things are less likely to change on those rotors. Not everyone’s big wheel is the same. Someone’s spiritual life might be going to church, it might be finding art in a museum. One person’s definition of family differs from the next, but they are stable and give a sense of connectivity. Romance might be a partner or it might be learning how to fall in love with yourself.

But what’s the key in the big wheel? Stability. Even Bear Grylls takes a knife with him when he goes into the woods, and he isn’t completely on his own  – let’s not forget there is a cameraman there. The poor bastard.

ImageThen you have your little wheels. Those are the things that fill in the gaps – passions, hobbies, adventures, love, entertainment. Those are things that don’t have to be huge, they just need to be what makes you blissfully happy. For me, that is my yoga, my friends, film making, writing, travel and challenging my whole self  to discover. That is laughing and sweating every day with purpose.

At certain times, things won’t always be moving forward. Big wheels will fall off. Little wheels will stop making us feel something. It truly is a lucky thing to have your big wheels and your little wheels be the same thing – to be so at one with yourself that you draw forth the opportunity to let all things be supported by themselves. 

I know to support a passion project you must support yourself – and I know that if I was to take that job that I would spend 3 months completely dedicated to it becoming a reality and none for making a stable place for myself in this world. I feel the same way about passion projects right now as I do about boyfriends – I would love to have one but I need to make sure that I’m stable enough to get into it.

So how do I handle the time in between boyfriends? When I need a big wheel so I can’ t do much of my little wheel? I’m going to see my family and friends, the big wheel I can always count on. I’m going to a film panel this weekend talking about DIY filmmaking and try to meet people. I’m going to continue to search for a big wheel that supports my little wheel. I’m going to continue to follow my big dreams and be big enough to let some little ones go for now.

May all your big wheels be stable. May all your little wheels bring you joy. May both work together. If you can’t travel to India, may you find the best Indian Cuisine and di May both be the same, someday. May you live in pursuit of balance because of glorious self-love. May you be happy.

Sat Nam

The Envelope – Becoming Whole Information

Imagine someone gave you an envelope filled with your destiny information : everything you were meant to accomplish on this planet – Be a parent. Go to Harvard. Become a raging asshole and inspire people to NOT be like you. Make macaroni art. Travel the jungle via pogo stick and blog about it. Discover a new kind of Kale.

Would you open it? Would you follow those instructions, even if you didn’t like them? Would you not want to know at all?

To be honest, I would probably open it. I’m interminably curious. But then if it was something I hated that I would have to do? I’m not sure how good I would be at attempting. Doesn’t it feel like sometimes we land on that thing we hate anyway, but had to discover that we liked it before? The teacher we never said we would become, the kids we never thought we wanted, the corporate sell out that we hate the message but love the money of. 

In the Piscean age, the time before the Aquarian age we are living in, people handed us the envelope. The letter of the law meant more than the spirit. Women were property. Sin was absolute. God belonged to those who could pay for him. Marriage was between a man and a woman. These were all decisions made from the letter of one absolute truth : we were here to pay our dues and then live on in another life. Suffering, inevitable. We had little information so we trusted what we knew of the small world of letters.

Now, we are living in an age where we have much more information then we could ever get our hands on. Every day we are handed a different envelope, tweet, text, viral video that describes a different destiny. A different way of thinking, expansion. We can travel across the globe in a second via Google maps, see the lives of celebrities on Instagram, and any question we might need the answer to we have it in minutes.

How do we filter through society’s spam folder and open the letter of our destiny? Once we open it, how do we use it to become whole information about the state of our soul’s journey?

There are many ways to do this, and each way is different depending on the person. For me, it’s Kundalini Yoga and meditation. For others, it may be music. It may be running, cooking, dancing, singing…whatever brings the soul joy. But the difference between whole information and retweeted cultural nonsense in our soul’s journey? How we use our body as an informational tool.

In the last week, since moving to a new town and searching for a job? My body has been immensely important in processing whole information. Yes, I had an excellent interview, but am I sensing with my soul that this is the right choice. Am I sweaty during the interview because I know this isn’t a good fit? Am I feeling in my core that this is what will support my life’s path? Do I feel the presence of my interviewer, are they really processing what I am saying? Am I understanding their needs?

When I leave that interview, I have more information than when I left. WHOLE information. I know within 15 seconds of leaving that interview if that will work, won’t work, or maybe needs more time to work for me. No longer am I just trusting my brain, but my whole body with information. The envelope is becoming less of a letter and more of a spirit. I’m opening pages of a book I never knew before. 

Faith, Trust and Intuition is a whole body experience. Use your head, but connect to the heart. In the end, that is where the most information is stored.

May you trust the sensory information you get from the present. May your soul be tied to every decision you make, whether consciously or unconsciously. May you enjoy every minute of navigating whole information because you trust the life you love. May you be consistent in your determination to be a whole working system. May that system work for you, so your destiny may land happily on your shoulder. May you live with love. May you be happy, healthy and whole. 

Sat Nam

Bang Head On Desk – Staying Present

I am a daydreamer. Always have been, ever since I was seven and my mother signed me up for youth soccer. I spent the entire time playing with my pigtails, chasing butterflies, and making cut-grass angels. As I get older the problem becomes that the daydreams have taken over to include entire lives that I’m not sure I’m capable of leading. There is so much part of being human that is constantly dissatisfied, so we are given to these fits of fantasy.

For example: 

I’m applying for a job that I might actually be good at. I find it on Craigslist, and I open an email to describe my skills. This has been a long search for jobs that I am not at all qualified for, but this one has software I am familiar with, an environment I might do well in, and skills that may transfer. Hallelujiah!

But then, I start the fantasy. If I work at this job for 30 hours a week, then that gives me some flexibility and time to apply for production manager positions, to expand my career, to write more, to travel, to live the FULL EXPECTED LIFE OF A CAREER WOMAN ON THE VERGE OF FINDING HERSELF!! YES!! 

Send.

Without, of course, the resume attachment. 

Image

So what do I attempt to do? 

Bang. Head. On. Desk. It’s an acronym, of course for act of remembering how to take it back to where you are.

B, H – Be Here. All Present Sensations. All things that can be are here for you now. If you are having trouble feeling this, try to breathe through your nostrils alternately closing one side each time. Left, then Right, then Alternate. Do that for as long as you need to until you feel present.

O, D – Open, Divine. Once you have finished maintaining present consciousness, feel the process of opening. Feel your heart creating your present situation for you. Close your eyes and connect to that heart, and imagine that energy expanding until it reaches around the city block. Then the sky. Then across the seas. Then through space and time. Feel that divine energy inside you.

May all of your fantasies be present with your conscious self. May your fantasies be seen through the lens of your current reality. May you become present and real. May you believe in the power of your open, divine self. May you have infinity in the presence of your soul.

Sat Nam. 

The Particulars of Being Spiritually Particular

Discernment. Something I’ve never been really good at until I started a job search. Every time I hear the words “work from home”, “become an entrepreneur” and “grow a client base” It hits me in the gut before the third eye: there are a lot of people out there who aren’t very particular about who they are looking for, and normally that means you are a quota they need to fill.

In my past lines of work, I have been not particular at ALL in what I’m looking for. Money. Flexibility. A Base. That was it during the period I was a working non working actor, doing 3 jobs and having no time at all for what I really loved doing. 

Then I discovered Kundalini Yoga. It was a filter for everything that wasn’t particular in my life. All the things I thought really mattered melted off me. Parts of my life got harder, but parts of my life became much more particular. For example, New York? Not the place for me. Acting? Not the job for me. 

It’s been two years since I left New York, and I have worked as a production manager for a feature film, done freelance videography, completed a 120 day sadhana (daily practice) and lost over 30 pounds. Things are getting leaner, financially, but here’s the best part about getting through the blur.

Particulars make you invincible in your pursuit of your true self.

Now I’m not saying these particulars are rigid. You know, in esscence what you really want, but the format may change. I wanted to do creative work as an actor, but at present I work in film production. Later? I may write, sing, dance, teach yoga, become a monk, inspire a startup and become a billionaire, become the next Danielle Steel, who knows? 

But as for right now, my particulars are making me more confident in my truth as a human. I am not what I do, I am what I am. I am capable, smart, and willing to do anything to follow the path that my destiny has made me. I am worth more than a general idea. I am worth more than the lump sum of what someone thinks I am capable of. I am capable of anything. 

So are you. 

In the next week, I hope that you are particular with what makes you truly soar. I hope you find a secret for yourself that makes you so happy you don’t want to share it, and then you share those particulars with those who need them. I hope you can feel from your energetic system what is good for you and what doesn’t work, and respond in an appropriate manner. I hope you realize you are one particular living soul in a system of all connected things – and you are what that universe is looking for. I hope you find truth, love, and the core of your particulars.

Sat Nam