Never Give Away Your Power

I met someone today I really admire, because she has a talent that I have never possessed in my life. She tells everyone exactly how she feels when she has those feelings, and she tells people what she needs. If you pronounce her name wrong? She corrects you. If she wants you to hold her hand, she says “Hold My Hand”. How many people do you know, including yourself, who never ask for what they need and give away all their emotional energy to maintaining the feelings and patterns of others?

This week, I’ve felt like I’ve been giving my power away – the stories I read on Facebook or the Internet, emotional boundaries that I constantly let people cross, Deadlines I’ve been meaning to meet but have given them to the time needed to devote to others. Patterns are popping up that I realize have been imprinted over YEARS.

Your emotional energy is like a free goodie bag from the drugstore. Most of it is crap, and everyone gets the same bag – fear, jealousy, anger, love, compassion, happiness. Usually the stuff you get in this bag has been handed to you based on previous emotional purchases you have made. Sometimes, you can make a really cool discovery – but beware of which drugs you wish to take and which drugs will make you break out in hives. They come in the same kind of package, and they make the same promises.

I’ve made a discovery this week that I have given a lot of my emotional power to those who are emotionally unavailable. It hurts to find this out, especially since all of these people from my past have understood me where most find me obtuse. In an effort to continue to treat myself like royalty, I have to turn my heart into the hope diamond. Keep it safe, let people admire it for what it is, but only let those who are truly qualified to handle it put their hands on it. 

Alright, now you might be thinking – well that’s HARSH. But what would be the worst part about shutting out those people who, whether they know it or not, are hurting you? I’m not saying cut off all contact or turn off every emotion you have towards someone. But limiting your exposure to the part of that person that hurts you? Might be the best thing for both of you. 

If someone toxic is calling? Don’t answer. If you know you don’t want to read something about someone you have been thinking about? Stay off Facebook. For fuck’s sake, don’t let anyone get away with making you feel like you have to do or be something you are not. If they threaten to leave you, let them.

Never give away your power. Ever. I’m not saying don’t love people, or feel things, or let people into your heart. But your heart is the Hope Diamond, more magnificent than any other gem on the planet. Let those who would admire you, admire you, and those who would try to break the glass never get in. Only let the gentle hands of the open-hearted and emotionally qualified scrub the surface of your already glorious soul.

May you stay away from all bullshit this week. That is all.

Sat Nam

 

Duality

Ah, the calamity of love strikes again, as I’m once again crying in my bathtub. We come to this earth and love is all around us. Then by around age 5 we go into “somebody training”, where we are taught that we are supposed to play a certain way and follow a set of rules. Then love comes in and breaks them all.

 And suddenly it’s as if we are naked for the whole world to see and we can’t understand our world anymore. We meet people and have experiences and make discoveries I call “Before/After’s”. Meaning, before you I felt this way and after you I don’t look at the world the same. 

I much prefer to have my “Before/After’s” to be experiences. A sunset, my favorite band, a piece of art – those are all things that we know aren’t supposed to last. But you look into someone’s eyes who has seen you in the worst parts of yourself and kissed those ugly places…those souls you meet who don’t let you get away with being fake or shallow. Those people who you feel like the best version of yourself around. Those kind eyes. That heart. 

I’m very conflicted in writing my feelings right now as I type this. Divinity wants me to say what is on my mind all the time, duality tells me to be soft and move like waves through the world.  But Divinity also has come to me in a vision and told me dear you are royalty. A queen who can share light to everyone she touches if she makes her love universal.

And here we are in the grey area we call humanity. Love and calamity. Queens and Chameleons. The gross and the beautiful. We are all of these things as human beings. More than ever I am praying for the strength to let all of these fake identities go. I am not one thing, I am the total of all things, God being the divine light holding it all together.

I am praying to love myself enough that I can forgive myself for being stuck in this grey area called life. I pray to forgive myself for being human, angry and base, lustful and forceful, crazy and caught in a web of fear when I let it get to me. 

I pray for those who have loved me in their own way in this lifetime. I am learning to let go of you in my own way, and I feel so ashamed by not being able to share things that I feel are hurting. I want to stop chasing what isn’t for me in this lifetime – let go of those attached feelings that mess with my head and can’t let me appreciate the selfless love inside.

I pray for those who have been in pain from a long time ago. You and all of us are filled with duality. We are no different from each other in the fact that we all are capable of doing great and horrible things. But the person inside those things is perfect. Nothing needs to change about that person but their consciousness, and nothing needs to happen but healing. Every day. Love remains when we can see the spirit of man and not the letter of his karma. Grace is learning to see that in everyone you meet, especially those you love with all your heart. 

May all of those dualities dissapear, and may the ones you live with be managed with an open heart and a trained mind. May healing happen in conflicted souls. May we all heal ourselves with love and peace in the heart. May we practice this all the days of our lucky days on this planet. 

Sat Nam