Knowing your Truth vs. Knowing Your Infinity

It’s impossible for me not to get excited about things that make me happy. If you told me that there is a 50/50 possibility that an adorable puppy CPA would do my taxes for me, lick my face AND get me a refund? Even if it’s a remote possibility I’d be wagging my own tail and thinking about how amazing my life would be post-puppy CPA…whom I am prematurely naming Agent Clive Barker. 

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Let’s talk about getting you a write-off for your stamps. But first? Scratch my BELLYYYYYYY.

Which is why there is a balance between knowing the truth about yourself, and knowing the truth about the impossible things that may happen for you when you are ready for them. 

I’ve had a crazy couple of days. Yesterday, I had an interview for a puppy-CPA of a job that I was SO convinced was mine. It had everything to make my dream of a living and a life – holistic atmosphere, flexible schedule, hours, benefits and a living wage. Not only that? I was extremely qualified for the position.

My heart was set on this being a decision made for me by the divine. This was a job being given to me by the universe for the 300+ resumes I had sent out during the month of March. After the interview, I went next door to a jewelry shop and the made friends with the lady at the counter, who after I described my qualifications? Told me she was SURE I had the job, and offered me a room for rent at her house in Pacifica if I wanted. 

Signs. Signs. Signs. 

Too bad it was April Fool’s day. 

After a mini- breakdown, I realized I had another interview the next day. I was dreading it. This was a possibility that I had only considered since I was on a hot streak with interviewing. Again, qualified for the position but scared of something that might not fit my lifestyle and long term goals. I have gotten to know the truth about what I was searching for lately, and it had discovered that money and freedom are two things that I really wanted to be partners in my newfound quest for happy. Is that a CPA Puppy? Maybe. But at this point, I was willing to hope that by knowing exactly what I wanted, it would show up for me when I least expected it.

So I show up to the second interview. A start up company. Very new office, expanding, developing kind of place. Something that made me nervous but not frightened by possibility. I sit down with the staffing agent. We talk about my qualifications. It went pretty well. Honesty in shortcomings, integrity in answer, but professional and capable answers. The first thought that entered my head after the interview, I swear to the Puppy CPA? If I ever thought I quit acting because I sucked at it? Not true. That was the most honest I’ve ever been within the format of someone I’ve never been before. 

 It is so hard to carry the spiritual weight and range of the truth of who we are and the infinity of who we are meant to become. Maybe we are meant to do one kind of work, maybe another. Perhaps we have talents we haven’t discovered yet because we haven’t spent the time exploring. Knowing how to stay true to the person you are while still looking for the universal and infinite self is the battle we wage every day.

When we are confronted with this, sometimes we run. I felt like bolting the morning of. Call it nerves, call it wanting to be true to my soul, call it whatever you want. But then this amazing thing happened. The second half of the interview involved the managing members of the secretarial staff having lunch with me.

It was a really fun conversation.

The Assistant to the CEO and I found out we shared a birthday. The meeting room was called the “Charlie Chaplin Room” with a big picture of him behind us. Charlie, my interviewer, and I, were all born on April 16. I talked about my work as a production manager, all the things I enjoy doing, both in life and in work. Everything overlapped. We talked yoga, travel, Mean Girls, community, and all different things that made it fun to be there. Not only that? I sold a version of myself I didn’t know I was capable of before. A part of myself I had never considered to be functional in. 

And I made them laugh. That felt pretty good. 

I don’t know if I’ll get the job or if my next few weeks will be filled with more ups and downs. But I feel more confident now that if I can balance the truth of my infinity and the truth of myself? All will just become known with more information. 

May you know the truth of yourself and the truth of your infinity as they merge into one. May all prosperity come to you when you sit and be present with your inner light. May you be confident in your totality as you move towards balance. May truth be your identity. May that puppy I hired to look at my W2’s be as qualified as he promised he was in the interview. And if he wasn’t, may he still live a happy life rolling in the grass. 

Sat Nam

Prayer for Opportunity

If nothing else? I am alive today. I am fed today. I am loved today. I am sheltered today. Everything else is just another opportunity to show gratitude for being visitors on this crazy planet called Earth. 

Being human is an enigma of puzzling opportunities. You are either taught at a young age that you are infinity and that you are loved and supported or conversely? You are made to feel like scum and you carry that with you. Even those who were taught to be infinite will feel like scum and those who were treated horribly can have a beautiful sense of infinity about them.

I have an opportunity this week that I know is perfect for me. I meditated this morning in a bath of sacred water and I discovered what real opportunity is.

Let’s go over the options, shall we?

Option A : A life that is flexible, supported by health and the ability to forge a path for the little guys. You are nervous and hesitant because every time you work for the little guy you don’t support yourself. But this is FINALLY the opportunity I have been waiting for. Enough to make it, and then enough time to work on the life and the passion. Enough time and enough money, but not a lot. 

Option B : A life that is solid. Stable. Defined hours but lots of money. Would give you all the financial support you need to make a long term goal a reality. The massive amounts of work you put into this job you would probably hate, but accepting this destiny as a part of your long term plan versus focusing on the present. 

Option C : A life that is engaging but unknown. The work is interesting, varied and something that hasn’t been attempted. Something that is completely new territory but unbelievable amounts of instability. A new path never forged by yourself, you would be gaining new skills with something you are maybe interested in, but don’t know what to do quite yet with. 

I know what my answer is. I know what works best for me. But it may not be what works for the truth in every destiny. Opportunity is not just money. Money is a medium. Opportunity is the chance to forge a life that you want which is aligned with your destiny. Opportunity brings more opportunity. Life brings more life. Prosperity brings more prosperity.

Yogi Bhajan, in his infinite wisdom once said “To be blessed is to live in gratitude, so that God can fulfill you forever”. Today, in the face of all these massive choices and wonderful opportunity, I would like to make my prayer in thanks. Thanks for letting me live on this earth one more day, healthy, with the chance to explore more of this beautiful planet. Thanks for giving me the chance to forge a path. Help me accept the path that I am on and give me the prosperity and the wisdom to see the opportunity in every day. Thank you for the love I have felt from those enlightened beings on my path. Thank you for this prayer. 

Sat Nam

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In gratitude for the immersion of the Self. 

Lakshmi: The Love Versus the Lack

I am overdrawn by thirty dollars. I have put the gas from our family boat into my car to keep it going. My car looks like I’m living in it as I drive a full hour to work for a minimum wage job. I’m still waiting on checks from work I did weeks ago. 

I need a prosperity intervention. Badly.

I look at a picture of Lakshmi. This Hindu Goddess represents prosperity and beauty. I look at her like I looked at the cheerleaders that went to my high school : I’ll never look like that. Surrounded by open lotus flowers, Elephants fat and healthy, and a pool of water that looks like the most serene bath I’ve ever seen. I want to dive headfirst into this picture. 

What I don’t realize is that Lakshmi is a dual-faceted goddess. On one side, she represents Bhudevi, the earthly world of material possessions. On the other, Sirdevi, which is the spiritual world or energy of the unseen realm. 

What is interesting to this picture is that Lakshmi, in her essence, is the embodiment of pure love. Prosperity is the opposite of greedy because it takes place in both the earthly and spiritual realm. Bhakti (Love), Atma (Soul) and Pakriti (Spiritual Purity) are all achieved with her blessing.

I had a talk with my father the other day about budget. Not for how to spend money or balance a checkbook, but how to give of my time and value it. I have been told by those close to me that I give away before I give to myself and that causes my crisis most often. 

“Lizzie, your mother and I seem to notice that you don’t really value your talent when it comes to getting paid. I’m a lawyer, and I do nothing but spend my time on things. You seem to be entering a place where your time is your money, and you can’t ask for what you need. Have you noticed that you don’t take care of yourself first?” 

Internally, I’m dealing with a glass ceiling that has to do with a constant feeling of lack. Self love and self loathing have been twin dragons that when pitted against each other can battle most of my demons. But I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m realizing an extremely important fact.

Your mental image of what you deserve, in the spiritual, emotional and material realm becomes the master of your self worth. 

It’s not self esteem, confidence or talent. Does the Goddess of Lakshmi set foot in the limpid pool of your heart, or does she have no beautiful waters to step in? Have you created a place for her fat Elephants to play and eat? Have you enough nutrient-rich soil in the waters of your soul to plant the lotus of good fortune?

This week, may love fill your heart where you feel only lack. May you find ways to give to yourself first before you fall apart from emotional, material or spiritual starvation. May you have the light of your soul lead you to a beautiful garden of prosperity, so that you may share that with others. May you be great and full. Grateful. Sat Nam.

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All of this could be yours, my dear…