The Good Lonely

I’m entering a phase in my life I’m choosing to call : the good lonely. Its a big, amazing world out there and I want to experience every dimension of it. Some parts of that dimension require solitary confinement.

There are some days when I stare at the roof of the ceiling in my room and wish to be miles away from where I am. The only thing pulling me in any direction is towards a life of adventure, prosperity, happiness and creative sharing. 

Most days though, I feel alone. And that’s OK, it just requires a balance of surrounding myself with love whenever that feeling enters my soul.

When you are 29, your personal crisis’ stop being cute and they start feeling like a spiritual deadline. Your friends are partnering off and making families, everyone expects you to have a career path planned, and all success is measured in what kind of phone you have.

Which is why you need the good lonely at this time in your life. It’s a time to reject all that and really allow yourself to occupy the space of your life. No one else will do it for you.

I’m grateful for this time, frightening as it is. It’s allowed me to make some rules for myself that have made me feel stronger, lighter, more myself.

1. Treat yourself like royalty. It’s the only way to move through the hard parts in life is to make sure you are well cared for by the power of your soul.

2. Don’t be afraid of taking up space. As a woman, I really feel like I’ve been beat down over my lifetime with reasons to apologize. I refuse to, anymore.

3. Failure is encouraged. Graceful and teaching moments of failure are the best thing you can ask for at this point, because each one leads you to more information.

4. If you don’t agree, don’t participate. A job, a housing situation, a relationship, a lifestyle. Don’t make choices based on what’s expected of you.

5. Stay strong and flexible. Your vulnerability mixed with your strength makes you compelling, just as you are. Don’t change it because you feel like you have nothing to offer.

6. Surround with people who make you feel loved and take you out of yourself. It makes all the difference in the world.

7. Separate feelings from facts. Meditation helps this. So does time. So does perspective.

8. Build yourself up so you can build others up. It will make you strong, sensitive, and compelling.

9. The only relationship you ever really need is with your higher self. Whatever that is, keep searching for it and never give up.

10. Realize that you are a living system that has karmic lineage. You alone are radiant, powerful and beautiful. Be the living embodiment of dharma and you will never feel alone again.

I wish you all a very good lonely.

Sat Nam

Walk in radiance and you will never feel alone.

Walk in radiance and you will never feel alone.

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Knots

Patchy foggy pieces of information in bulk are far worse than small amounts of clarity. When you look at a big tangle of knots, you see parts of the rope that once were straight. You can see their entry and exit into the frayed tangle of mess – have some idea of where they are going and what parts of the whole they represent. You see the pattern of their relationship with the entire messy tangle, maybe you might even be able to see which parts they are connected to.

I’ve come to a point in my climb up career mountain that gets pieces of information at a time. One job offer fails, the other one calls. I have a great interview and then a terrible one. I can tell the instant I’m doing well and when I’m faking it for the sake of a paycheck. Each one of these experiences are tiny knots to untie.

For example. I’m sitting in a warehouse in San Carlos with two commercial directors. I’m enjoying myself. I’m talking about past experiences and future offers of help. They are engaged, and open to potentially take what I am offering on the table. This, like a few other production leads, will go nowhere. Both parties have not received enough information, because they are each untangling knots of their own.

I don’t know it yet, but I need a big wheel job to pay for my base expenses before I can even THINK of taking on this project. They don’t know it yet, but they can’t really present me a valuable offer without looking at their budget first and knowing exactly what kind of person they need. We both are learning things, and we part knowing that we aren’t right for each other. Sadly, this is the best version of a date I’ve had in months.

And so it goes. This applies to personal knots as well. I only know enough about the next relationship, the next adventure, and the next part of my life I want to experience based on what I untangle.

Then there are those huge, messy, lifelong knots – the ones the mind keeps going over. My emotional attachment to unavailable men, the low feelings of self-worth and coming from a place of lack, performance anxiety, financial instability, emotional eating, and the conscious choice of what I’m thinking is true about myself versus what actually is – conformity to norm versus my truth.

When your mind is constantly focusing on the unmanagable task – taking the smallest part of a messy rope and saying “This is what I’m learning right now. When I learn what part of the whole this is connected to, then I can solve the bigger problem.”

May your knots in the coming weeks be broken down into small tasks. May the information be clear. May you have the courage to follow your true intuition, and trust that the knot was once strong rope. May you have the patience to let time manage the unmanagable knots. May you be fearless in your pursuit of your soul’s mystery. May you unravel your destiny one piece of rope at a time.

Sat Nam

knots

O time! thou must untangle this, not I;
It is too hard a knot for me to untie!
– Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, Viola 2.2.40