I Believe in a Working God

God only works when you do. Recently, my God has been an awkward teenager working at Burger King, who knows he’d rather be outside in the sunshine but really wants that XBox. With an extra hundred in Christmas money plus a little bit of allowance from his family, he’s starting the process of saving for his future. But then he sees a beautiful cheerleader and wants to buy her tickets to a concert, or a pony or anything she wants. 

I’m here to tell you the XBox or the girlfriend are both good choices. But the working God tells you that no matter what you choose you still have to work for it – and if what you are working for is aligned with your destiny? He’ll make it harder and easier at the same time.

I’m going to list the jobs I’ve had since graduating college in 2007: stage manager, actress, temp office worker, door to door fundraiser, waitress, event staff, discount bookstore seller, hostess, usher and box office manager, yoga studio front desk employee, hostel concierge, point of sale supervisor, retail associate, barista, catering staff and film production cooordinator.

It took me until film production coordinator to find something that I really loved and even now I realize the climb in that direction is just beginning. I’m also looking for a house that will support me – a tiny home on wheels that will allow me to travel as I need to for work. In the X Box corner we have career : the thing I need to make money and the thing I want to enjoy doing. In girlfriend corner we have art: telling stories, enjoying the moment, having adventures and seeking my spiritual fulfillment daily.

In the very first pauree of Japji, there is the evocation of the working God, or Karta Purkh. This invites God to do the work for you, all you have to do is keep up. All you have to do is keep working towards one direction and let love have no opposition in your life. Let your mind be clear and your heart be full. Empty yourself of all needs to be right, have outcomes or seek. Let love in, and more love will come.

I wish you a beautiful evocation of the working God inside you. Sat Nam. 

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When Venus Gives Career Advice

I’m sweating in a small room for 8 days straight. I have been calling C.E.O’s of tech companies on a telemarketing job, and the hours are making my brain melt.

Enter Venus.

Venus is a woman to whom I was assigned to check in with. Her very presence makes me nervous. Tall. Poised. Sterling Eyes. Wedding ring that would make Kim Kardashian jealous. Rumor has it she has worked in film. I’ve seen her drive a very expensive-looking BMW out of the parking lot. She is top-of-the-mountain engaging and doesn’t have to say a word.

As an artist, I have been taught to be vulnerable and real. That is where I live most of the time in my nervous universe – accepting the fact that I feel like a fraud and seeking truth within that falseness.

But then I meet Venus and I want to be just like her : UNCONQUERABLE.  A wall of fire and ice that says “Don’t Fuck With Me”. It is this that leads me to be timid and not try to fuck with her.

She’s walking down the hall. I don’t realize she is talking on the phone with a client, because she has been walking in the office. After I interrupt her, I go into my cubicle and continue my job.

She comes back in, and I apologize for interrupting her phone call…again.

She looks around and says…”Can I give you some really good career advice?”

She shuts the door.

My heart is in my mouth.

“Sure.”

“Never say you are sorry to anyone. Especially women! You have NOTHING to apologize for, so why are you apologizing? Do you think a MAN would apologize for what he did? Absolutely not. I was walking around, my phone in my ear- if HE didn’t know then HE doesn’t care. Don’t care so much, and never apologize.”

I know it sounds harsh, but she says this without sounding angry, resentful or like she is saying anything else but the truth.

I say thanks, appreciate the advice, here’s what I wanted to tell you. We go over the phone list and strategies for the afternoon call list. She leaves the room.

It takes 5 seconds, but I burst into tears. How many apologies have I made over several years for no reason at all? How many times have I been afraid to interrupt, offend or hurt?

I can pinpoint the exact point in my childhood when this hit me over the head : without any blame or resentment, I can seriously recall the moment when I was taught never to invite yourself over to anyone’s house. Make sure you ALWAYS have permission. ALWAYS.

But what happens to Venus inside us, the goddess of love who knows what she likes, what she wants and how she should get it. Who is unapologetic about the fact that she EXISTS, and CLAIMS her sacred space without attachment to the opinions of others?

The rest of the phone calls, I counted every apology said on the phone. 3. That means on average? At least 4-6 times a day I make myself feel like I shouldn’t take up space. What has that done to my subconscious desire and has that robbed me of any opportunities to grow?

This week, let Venus be your Goddess of the sacred space. I hope you own the space of your life, fill it with love and don’t apologize for what it looks like to others. I hope you take up so much space that you can be seen from heaven with your impact. I hope you use that space to change the world. I hope you never have to apologize ever again.

Sat Nam

time-management-woman

Knowing your Truth vs. Knowing Your Infinity

It’s impossible for me not to get excited about things that make me happy. If you told me that there is a 50/50 possibility that an adorable puppy CPA would do my taxes for me, lick my face AND get me a refund? Even if it’s a remote possibility I’d be wagging my own tail and thinking about how amazing my life would be post-puppy CPA…whom I am prematurely naming Agent Clive Barker. 

Image

Let’s talk about getting you a write-off for your stamps. But first? Scratch my BELLYYYYYYY.

Which is why there is a balance between knowing the truth about yourself, and knowing the truth about the impossible things that may happen for you when you are ready for them. 

I’ve had a crazy couple of days. Yesterday, I had an interview for a puppy-CPA of a job that I was SO convinced was mine. It had everything to make my dream of a living and a life – holistic atmosphere, flexible schedule, hours, benefits and a living wage. Not only that? I was extremely qualified for the position.

My heart was set on this being a decision made for me by the divine. This was a job being given to me by the universe for the 300+ resumes I had sent out during the month of March. After the interview, I went next door to a jewelry shop and the made friends with the lady at the counter, who after I described my qualifications? Told me she was SURE I had the job, and offered me a room for rent at her house in Pacifica if I wanted. 

Signs. Signs. Signs. 

Too bad it was April Fool’s day. 

After a mini- breakdown, I realized I had another interview the next day. I was dreading it. This was a possibility that I had only considered since I was on a hot streak with interviewing. Again, qualified for the position but scared of something that might not fit my lifestyle and long term goals. I have gotten to know the truth about what I was searching for lately, and it had discovered that money and freedom are two things that I really wanted to be partners in my newfound quest for happy. Is that a CPA Puppy? Maybe. But at this point, I was willing to hope that by knowing exactly what I wanted, it would show up for me when I least expected it.

So I show up to the second interview. A start up company. Very new office, expanding, developing kind of place. Something that made me nervous but not frightened by possibility. I sit down with the staffing agent. We talk about my qualifications. It went pretty well. Honesty in shortcomings, integrity in answer, but professional and capable answers. The first thought that entered my head after the interview, I swear to the Puppy CPA? If I ever thought I quit acting because I sucked at it? Not true. That was the most honest I’ve ever been within the format of someone I’ve never been before. 

 It is so hard to carry the spiritual weight and range of the truth of who we are and the infinity of who we are meant to become. Maybe we are meant to do one kind of work, maybe another. Perhaps we have talents we haven’t discovered yet because we haven’t spent the time exploring. Knowing how to stay true to the person you are while still looking for the universal and infinite self is the battle we wage every day.

When we are confronted with this, sometimes we run. I felt like bolting the morning of. Call it nerves, call it wanting to be true to my soul, call it whatever you want. But then this amazing thing happened. The second half of the interview involved the managing members of the secretarial staff having lunch with me.

It was a really fun conversation.

The Assistant to the CEO and I found out we shared a birthday. The meeting room was called the “Charlie Chaplin Room” with a big picture of him behind us. Charlie, my interviewer, and I, were all born on April 16. I talked about my work as a production manager, all the things I enjoy doing, both in life and in work. Everything overlapped. We talked yoga, travel, Mean Girls, community, and all different things that made it fun to be there. Not only that? I sold a version of myself I didn’t know I was capable of before. A part of myself I had never considered to be functional in. 

And I made them laugh. That felt pretty good. 

I don’t know if I’ll get the job or if my next few weeks will be filled with more ups and downs. But I feel more confident now that if I can balance the truth of my infinity and the truth of myself? All will just become known with more information. 

May you know the truth of yourself and the truth of your infinity as they merge into one. May all prosperity come to you when you sit and be present with your inner light. May you be confident in your totality as you move towards balance. May truth be your identity. May that puppy I hired to look at my W2’s be as qualified as he promised he was in the interview. And if he wasn’t, may he still live a happy life rolling in the grass. 

Sat Nam