Aside

Vices and Vegetables : Echoes of a Cleanse

No booze, no caffeine, no sugar, no dairy. Nothing left…so what do I start thinking about ALL the time?

Sex.

Oh my god, sex is the one thing healthy that Gwenyth Paltrow can’t ruin. And yet, it’s still robbing me of subconscious protein…establishing trust, relationships, learning how not to lie to people and how to change myself first before I can save others.

And yet all I can think about is how nice it would be to invite some raw cucumbers into my salad. GOD I DID IT AGAIN!!!

I’m not trying to be a purist. Everyone should have a healthy relationship with their libido, a drive is a drive. But I’m trying to figure out why I’m piecing together my shame spiral of self-hatred and what’s blocking my way is this tiger mind.

Here’s what they don’t tell you about cleansing. When you have no more vices left?

The only vices you have are your thoughts.

If we take ourselves by what our thoughts are, we discover where we are aiming our lives. We become the victims of our own numbness and patterns we feel we can’t control.

I can’t pretend things aren’t lonely anymore. So my mind sends me a thought that I can escape every fear I have with some kind of fantasy. A fantasy that takes me away from reality. Far from appreciation of the life I have, but into posession of a life I am desparate for. Far from living in the present, I’m presenting myself with a pattern of distraction.

In the coming months of the new year, may all your thoughts be pointed towards dreams of the present. May fantasies become realities through the moment lived. May every feeling, emotion and reaction you have become acknowledged and cleansed when you don’t need them anymore. May you eat all the things that make you healthy and soulful, may you give yourself space to be whole. Be you.

Sat Nam.

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