We Will All Go To The Rally

Ice Bucket Challenges. Daily Gratitude. Post a picture of yourself every day for a year and then edit it together for youtube fame and success. Tag everyone. Hashtag every verb and noun in your vocabulary.

Have we become a global high school? Is this a reflection of our “school spirit” on this planet or as we know it, connection?

We long for connection so badly as a nation. We are living longer but with less prosperity and time. We are eating worse, drinking more and numbing challenge with distraction. Every piece of the big mystery is replaced by the trivialities.

But what is the real rallying cry? Even when I look at Michael Brown, ISIS, and the growing water crisis I find even those rallies are noise against the grain.

Every day we pick impossible problems to solve: people we want to be, things we want to have, goals and promotions to achieve. But why not rally to the person next to us? Do we want 10,000 followers or one friend that would call us when we really needed them.

I can’t solve big problems today. Small problems are boring and everyone has them, so we share them on this rallying cry of “ACKNOWLEDGE ME!!” Then things go silent. The world doesn’t care.

Today my brother lost his best friend. If he needs me, and if he asks, I will rally by his side and stand with him at the funeral this weekend. Because I love him and would do anything for those who know me the best. Because at this high school pep rally we could lose the most beloved of us at any minute, for any stupid reason.

So rally to the person next to you. May your week be filled with small rallying cries of love to all creatures. May you enjoy every piece of your life at every phase and every minute. May you be blessed with love from all corners. May your rallying cry be “I am, I serve, I excel” and let that be the end of it.

May universal love bless you all. Sat Nam.

Meet your Hero

Everything I have been surrounding myself with I desire to be a part of. I am simply a cello in a larger symphony and every sound I make is the source of an external vibration.

Chasing change seems like a backwards statement : change happens every day and you don’t need to do anything in order for it to happen. But I have been on the tail wind of talk and not the front end of action lately. I haven’t written in awhile and I miss it. I haven’t finished my screenplay and it’s burning. I haven’t quite found my tribe yet but I’m working on it. Those feelings are the only tasks in which we have in this lifetime : to chase change by action.

I want to meet my hero someday and find that person is myself.

I want to perform miracles and share them with everyone.

I want that miracle to be an authentic reflection of who I am and what I have to give.

I want to chase the monster of fear and scarcity away with abundance.

Put yourself in a place where miracles are in the realm of possibility and they will happen when you least expect it. Enjoy every minute on this planet as you are building and be graceful when you lose. Live as if you might die tomorrow because you very well might.

Sat Nam

We Are Who We Create

When I was in high school, my best friend and I had alter-egos. We created profiles, gave them email addresses and myspace pages for our others – these characters meant to be filters for spam and scam promotions.

I think about who I created back then – Colleen. She is a goth queen who drinks the blood of goats and dances naked around fires. Her poetry is meant to isolate herself and others from the pain she feels inside. Her divinity is in her feminine fire and that fire burns tar black. Constantly smelling of Patchouli Oil and hanging out behind the 7-11, she would scream under the moon and pierce every part of the shaky sky with wild abandon.

It was a silly joke, right? I’m not that dark person inside – or am I? But why did I choose her? Why did I make this dark queen of poetry my filter for the truth?

The truth is, we are who we create every day. Every one of us are multi-faceted characters and we soak up our environments like a sponge. Perhaps Colleen was the feeling I never had like I fit in, or my conflicting desire to run away from convention.

But who am I creating today and where does she run to? What reality am I creating for myself today and is she running towards the truth? Which person do I want to build myself to be and how does she make herself light?

May the person you create today build your bright tomorrow.

Sat Nam.

Solstice and Finding Yourself at Great Height

Today is the longest day of the year. When I woke up at 5am I looked out my window and saw everything crisp – clean lines outlining everything in sight. A birth of vision. Minutes before I was huddled in my bed, dreading another day of worry, anxiety and fighting the choices I had in front of me. 

There comes a certain point when you realize nothing is a good or bad choice. You are just constantly making them and feeling the effects every single day. 

That is why I love solstice. For one day, there appears to be the magic of equilibrium. Magic is in your heart and you can see clearly the foundation of who you are. There are no choices there is just the brilliant magic of being present.

Today I make the choice not to let my emotions take over. It’s hard, because as much as I love my yoga practice sometimes I think it makes me overly sensitive and shaky. I look at a homeless person and I feel like I want to take care of him, and then I feel mad when I can’t give him a home. I see a dog and I want to smush his face into my hands as he licks my cheeks. I see a very beautiful man at the counter of the coffee shop and I feel such joy when I make him laugh. I read about the slums of Brazil and how people are selling their daughters to tourists and I want to fall apart. 

Not today. Today – equilibrium. The power of the neutral mind. We all can find what we are looking for with the help of the neutral mind. Today I will find a way to make my mind so big that all the emotions that usually cripple me will become trusted sources of information. Just like the sun I will rise to the highest point in the sky. Not even fear will be able to touch me at this high point. 

And yet? I will feel absolutely nothing. I hope to be so high in the sunshine that everyone I meet is touched by love. I hope to share my destiny with others in a way that I am always present and aligned with my dharma. Rich or poor, For Better or For Worse, Sickness or Health I choose my soul to be my soulmate. All things that orbit my soul will be a reflection of the God inside me, and not the other way around. 

I Believe in a Working God

God only works when you do. Recently, my God has been an awkward teenager working at Burger King, who knows he’d rather be outside in the sunshine but really wants that XBox. With an extra hundred in Christmas money plus a little bit of allowance from his family, he’s starting the process of saving for his future. But then he sees a beautiful cheerleader and wants to buy her tickets to a concert, or a pony or anything she wants. 

I’m here to tell you the XBox or the girlfriend are both good choices. But the working God tells you that no matter what you choose you still have to work for it – and if what you are working for is aligned with your destiny? He’ll make it harder and easier at the same time.

I’m going to list the jobs I’ve had since graduating college in 2007: stage manager, actress, temp office worker, door to door fundraiser, waitress, event staff, discount bookstore seller, hostess, usher and box office manager, yoga studio front desk employee, hostel concierge, point of sale supervisor, retail associate, barista, catering staff and film production cooordinator.

It took me until film production coordinator to find something that I really loved and even now I realize the climb in that direction is just beginning. I’m also looking for a house that will support me – a tiny home on wheels that will allow me to travel as I need to for work. In the X Box corner we have career : the thing I need to make money and the thing I want to enjoy doing. In girlfriend corner we have art: telling stories, enjoying the moment, having adventures and seeking my spiritual fulfillment daily.

In the very first pauree of Japji, there is the evocation of the working God, or Karta Purkh. This invites God to do the work for you, all you have to do is keep up. All you have to do is keep working towards one direction and let love have no opposition in your life. Let your mind be clear and your heart be full. Empty yourself of all needs to be right, have outcomes or seek. Let love in, and more love will come.

I wish you a beautiful evocation of the working God inside you. Sat Nam. 

Nurture the Freakish Gifts You Have

I have never been very good at finding myself consistently. Over and over again I adapt, survive and stay just below the surface of potential because it is safe. I’m trying to break out of this pattern of behavior and I’ve discovered a new tool of community: the freak inside of me. 

I am confused by gifts sometimes. God gives so many of them and yet pursuing all of them come with throwbacks. You follow your gift and talent artist you become a survivor, maybe even a bitter one. You follow the gift of a relationship and it can hurt you. You follow the gift of community and it may come at you with pitchforks. You follow the gift of choice and five more you have to make with all kinds of consequences. 

It’s a baffling blessing. So what is one to do? 

EXACTLY WHAT YOU LIKE DOING – WHETHER FREAKISH, STRANGE OR UNCONVENTIONAL IT IS YOUR ACTIONS THAT WILL WIN OVER TALENTS EVERY TIME. 

I’ve realized that you become your gifts whether you are aware of them or not. A human being responds to it’s environment but when you are really vibing with yourself right? The actions you take towards your gifts gives you more community than you ever imagined.

I became a vegan six months ago. It started as a way to cleanse after a breakup, but slowly became something I was passionate about. Animals, my body and health, the way it supported my yoga? I became freakishly passionate about it. I was living in a place where to say you were vegan was the equivalent of saying that you had an eating disorder. People did not know what to do with the freak who they could not cook nor shop for. 

Now I am searching on craigslist for a place to rent. I’m living in Oakland, and of every listing I see veganism comes up regularly. There are people who are passionate about yoga and sustainability and gardening in almost every “about me” section of the renter’s information. 

It was then I realized : I brought forth this community to me through the gift of action. I didn’t know it then, but everything I ate was determining my environment. Everything I made for myself is happening for me whether I know it or not. 

All small managable tasks will create your environment. What you do every day will determine your fate, not what happens to you like the lottery. I try to remember this as I continue to hold out for work that I am passionate about that pays. Surround myself in the area, the people, the work that helps me get more work. It will all become known to me. And to you too.

In the coming weeks, I hope you find your freakish gifts and then a tribe comes along that nurtures those as well. I hope you become everything you are- infinite possibilities. I hope you have the strength to keep up even when you don’t feel like it. I hope you live life happy, healthy and whole. 

Sat nam, you freaks. 

Ride the Focused Float

Water is my calming element. Every time I am in it, around it, or watching it my mind instantly tunes into my organic self. I feel free, floating and alive. When I was a kid, my dad signed me up for swim team. Bad idea. I never wanted to get across the lane, I was having such a fantastic time feeling supported by this magical atmosphere. My lap time was probably close to an hour, and getting me out of the pool is exhausting. 

Today, I have things to do and a big project I am undertaking to build my own version of home. I still need to find a job, and I have to support myself. I feel the gravity of my situation as the shadow side of my freedom. Imagine that same swimming pool but filled with molasses. Or, just when you feel the most connected in the water, another kid holds your head down. Or even worse, tries to pull you out because everyone else is heading home. 

Why doesn’t the world let us stay where everything feels good? Why are we constantly encouraged to leave our freedom behind because everyone else tells you it’s time to grow up? Why is the struggle towards floating a constant FIGHT???

I dream of being a woman in balance: floating in the atmosphere of her element but so focused that even if all the water were to drain out of the pool she would still feel light – airy in her own atmosphere. Untouchable. Free. 

The mind is your focused float. Start there. Your body is your conscious balance in that float. Keep going towards that delight. Your soul will emerge from those two feeling good. Be good to them. Be good to yourself.

May you float free and focused. May you find your element. May you feel joy, always. 

Sat Nam

The Girl Asleep at a Party

When I was in college, I used to get blackout drunk. At UC Santa Barbara, that is called “Wednesday” , Certain as there was a Saturday and I didn’t have rehearsal? I’d be drinking 5-6 hard liquor or beer drinks a night and wandering into a stranger’s house to use their bathroom. 

There would always be that one girl, asleep at a party. She’s surrounded by activity, people are stacking cups on her head, and the world could light on fire – she would not wake up.

A few months ago I had a very rude awakening. The world, the planet, our lives are all short and maybe we are able to come close to our reason being here. But in the meantime happiness is the only thing worth pursuing even if it means risking the way you used to be.

I’m anxious. All the time. I don’t know minute by minute what I’m supposed to do and I’m letting others dictate that for me. I’m trying to surrender to the path, let the ride be the guide and really choose what challenges me and makes me happy to wake up every day.

Put the pursuing of that makes me want to be the girl asleep at a party. I know I won’t be able to go back to it, but I want to be her, just for an evening. 

I’ve taken a little bit of Kava-Kava, this herbal anxiety medicine that I found at the organic drugstore. It makes my lips tingle. It makes me want to eat a cookie. It makes me want a hug. It makes me want to pass out in the middle of the party.

This is the challenge of a conscious life : once you wake up, you can never go back to sleep. You must be conscious at all times even when it feels painful or scary. You must be the truth about your life if you want to get anywhere close to your joy.

I hope that I’m listening to what I truly believe is in my heart. I hope to stay awake and energized throughout the entire process of transformation. I hope I don’t get swallowed up by what I expect of myself. I hope that I don’t die before realizing infinity every day. I hope I can live in joy and happiness even when it hurts. I hope to never fall asleep again. 

May you never fall asleep again. 

Sat Nam

 

 

The Good Lonely

I’m entering a phase in my life I’m choosing to call : the good lonely. Its a big, amazing world out there and I want to experience every dimension of it. Some parts of that dimension require solitary confinement.

There are some days when I stare at the roof of the ceiling in my room and wish to be miles away from where I am. The only thing pulling me in any direction is towards a life of adventure, prosperity, happiness and creative sharing. 

Most days though, I feel alone. And that’s OK, it just requires a balance of surrounding myself with love whenever that feeling enters my soul.

When you are 29, your personal crisis’ stop being cute and they start feeling like a spiritual deadline. Your friends are partnering off and making families, everyone expects you to have a career path planned, and all success is measured in what kind of phone you have.

Which is why you need the good lonely at this time in your life. It’s a time to reject all that and really allow yourself to occupy the space of your life. No one else will do it for you.

I’m grateful for this time, frightening as it is. It’s allowed me to make some rules for myself that have made me feel stronger, lighter, more myself.

1. Treat yourself like royalty. It’s the only way to move through the hard parts in life is to make sure you are well cared for by the power of your soul.

2. Don’t be afraid of taking up space. As a woman, I really feel like I’ve been beat down over my lifetime with reasons to apologize. I refuse to, anymore.

3. Failure is encouraged. Graceful and teaching moments of failure are the best thing you can ask for at this point, because each one leads you to more information.

4. If you don’t agree, don’t participate. A job, a housing situation, a relationship, a lifestyle. Don’t make choices based on what’s expected of you.

5. Stay strong and flexible. Your vulnerability mixed with your strength makes you compelling, just as you are. Don’t change it because you feel like you have nothing to offer.

6. Surround with people who make you feel loved and take you out of yourself. It makes all the difference in the world.

7. Separate feelings from facts. Meditation helps this. So does time. So does perspective.

8. Build yourself up so you can build others up. It will make you strong, sensitive, and compelling.

9. The only relationship you ever really need is with your higher self. Whatever that is, keep searching for it and never give up.

10. Realize that you are a living system that has karmic lineage. You alone are radiant, powerful and beautiful. Be the living embodiment of dharma and you will never feel alone again.

I wish you all a very good lonely.

Sat Nam

Walk in radiance and you will never feel alone.

Becoming Captain America

Times of grit and times of grace are needed, now more than ever. Homeless families trying to keep minimum-wage jobs, global warming crisis that is causing levels of panic, veterans coming home from war and causing harm to themselves and others. We are no longer peacemakers if we want to make an impact, we have to be the cause-and-effect participants in helping the person next to us. 

And it starts with the nuanced hero at home.

Look at your life, everything about it. Which parts make you feel scared? How often do you find yourself alone with your thoughts and they make you feel lost? Which parts of yourself are you really convinced may someday be the end of your own happiness. 

Comic book movies have been hitting the theaters and making big bucks lately : The Amazing Spider Man 2, Captain America, Winter Soldier…

What do these movies have in common? Good guy. Bad guy. Good guy wins. Bad guy loses. It’s what we are all hoping for ourselves : some clarity of the enemy and the hero. What we are doing wrong and what we are doing right in our life becomes a true or false question. We become heroes. 

Today, I give myself permission to be the nuanced hero at home. The hero who has trouble getting out of bed sometimes because things are hard for her. The hero who then decides to do yoga instead of feel bad about it, and calls her friend to say hello. The hero who sucks at math. The hero who is constantly apologizing for things that aren’t her fault. The hero that isn’t sure how to live in this world, but keeps trying to be better even when she sets herself back.

I’ve got some news : the nuanced hero at home is the good guy and the bad guy all at once. Make peace with who that nuanced hero is RIGHT NOW, and end your suffering. End the idea that you have to have it all figured out. End the idea that you can’t handle the unstable life you have, or that peace is an impossibility. Because at the end of the day, the nuanced hero needs to be happy – and he’ll find that making himself or herself happy first, then sharing that with others. 

I wish all this for you, my heroes. 

Sat Nam,